Distortion
by BeyondxHatred
Summary: Death does a lot of things to one's mind. This is what happened to Vivi's.


**Distortion**

**Started:** 01/30/09 09:07:47 AM

**Edited:** 08/10/10 06:16: 56 PM

**A/N: **Yeah, this was going to be an actual series, but I lost interest in it, so it's going to be a one-shot instead. Ending changed to make it so.

* * *

Sometimes he'd wonder what exactly started his downward spiral…

Was it, perhaps, when he first learned that he wasn't human?

Just a tool for war?

Or, maybe, it was before then?

When his grandfather died?

Or when he first learned about the limited lifespan of his kind from Mr. 288?

That most of the black mages died after just a year of life…

Well, maybe those things helped…

But he began to think that he truly snapped when…

His first son died…

…

"Vivi? What are you doing?" asked a timid, chiming voice. The young black mage turned his head away from the morning sun's soft glow to look into the dark eyes of his female companion. Her dark hazel hair wafted around her like mist and she tilted her head to the side. She gave him an endearing smile as she took a seat beside him in the dew covered meadow grass and looked up into the face of the rising sun. "It's calming isn't it?" she asked. She closed her eyes and tilted her chin up. The mage nodded faintly and his too large hat slipped down to shroud his eyes. With quick, nervous movements he tugged it from side to side before he finally settled on a single position, out of his field of vision.

"Y-yeah. Sure is," he agreed and sat up more fully. He didn't know why, he just couldn't completely relax when he was with someone. It simply was something he'd never been able to do. It hadn't always been as hard as it had been lately, though…

As the sun slowly ascended into the fading night sky, they sat in utter peace. Lost in the moment. Watching as the sun slowly arose from its slumber in the eastern mountains. Coloring the sky with streaks of fragile light. Weaving through the stars as they faded from their rest in the sky. Then, at last, the deep bellow of a church bell in the urban Alexandria broke the calm. No longer did they have the sunrise to themselves for it was time for the rest of the world to awaken. Still they remained seated in silence. Listening to the stirring sounds of life as they drifted by in the breeze.

"Why did you come out here this morning?" inquired Queen Garnet quietly as she rose to her knees. Her eyes still fixed on the awakening dawn sky as she folded her hands in her lap carefully. Ever since she had taken the role of queen of Alexandria upon herself she had accustomed herself to acting more graceful and elegant. Still, traces of the voyage she had embarked on with Zidane, himself, and several others still lingered behind her tense demeanor. The speech patterns she had practiced so hard on were a sign of this. Other traits were harder to distinguish. She did allow herself to relax, somewhat, in the presence of her family and companions. Only when she was playing her role of queen did she bother to keep up her resolute façade.

Sometimes he envied how easy she made it look.

"I was just thinking about things," he murmured into his high raised navy collar. He often did this when he was asked to answer a question he would rather not. That or he'd just avoid talking altogether. But that would seem rude to deny the queen such a simple request, especially when it was purely for the fact she worried about him. Even when she had so much going on in her chaotic life as queen, she always made sure to keep a watchful eye on those she held closest.

Well, either her or Steiner.

It just felt more endearing when _she _did it.

When Steiner was around it was like having a bear waiting around every corner. Watching you. Scrutinizing your every move for later report. Of course he meant well, it was just a bit more than unnerving. On more than one occasion when Vivi had been patrolling the garden he had caught the knight hiding in the shadows of the castle wall, and no matter how hard he tried; he couldn't shake the chill that ran down his spine. That man would do anything he could for the queen, but it didn't make it any less creepy.

With a heavy sigh she turned away from the receding stars to give him a deeply troubled look. "About their death?" she asked in an undertone. Her words were laced with regret. She had been very fond of his child look-alikes. She was, in a way, closer to them than she was to himself. They were each so inquisitive about everything, even though he did everything he could to teach them, there were some things that were better experienced from alternate perspectives. They looked to her as a sort of sister figure. She would play with them when he had to run errands or she would let them sit in on her lessons with Doctor Tot.

It was questionable at first whether or not this was a good idea, but as the lessons progressed so did their profound curiosity. The doctor was bombarded with so many questions that he had to start bringing them to his library back in Treno so he could let them run rampant, and he could go back to his lessons. Which, of course, they did.

The doctor had become so accustomed to their frequent visits that he offered his home to them. Over the days that passed they ending up taking advantage of his offer. It had become, in a way, their second home. Every night when Vivi would return he would find them; books over their faces as they slept, and he would carefully mark each of their pages, set them aside, and then carefully lead each one of them to their makeshift beds around the room; carefully tucking each one in as he went.

When he did this he was often given approving looks from the doctor and queen as they left on their trip back for the castle.

That had been their life before…

"Vivi?" she wondered aloud. The boy looked up with dazed eyes, as often one does when roused from deep thoughts. It took a moment for him to respond to the growing look of worry in her eyes. Quickly, he searched his mind for a way to console her. He would _not_ have her worry for him now.

He knew she was hurting just as he was. With their deaths along with all her duties of queen, she must have been so stressed. The boy beside her glanced up with awe in his eyes. He'd always admired her. How strong of a person she was even though on the outside she seemed so fragile. That she still pulled through in impossible situations. She always had strength he could never find in himself. Sometimes the mage wondered if it was because she had Zidane at her side. She seemed stronger, in a sense, when he was close by. They supported and encouraged one another, just as a loving couple should. Both of them were lucky to have found each other.

"Why did you come out here so early?" he tried feebly to start a conversation on a different topic. Garnet sighed and closed her eyes. It was most likely a mix of exhaustion and disappointment. She had often started conversations with similar beginnings to this one. They all had similar endings as well. It wasn't that he so hated talking to her about it, but the thing was: he couldn't stand if he in any way managed to hurt her anymore than she already was. And that was all that elaborating on the subject would do.

Well, okay, so that wasn't entirely the reason.

This was another reason why he looked up to her so much. He had never managed to handle hurt very well. He'd often drawn upon strengths of others to help him through, but in this time, when everyone was suffering, he'd refused to be consoled in any way. Why did he deserve any special treatment? He wasn't the only one in pain, and obviously his pain wasn't as in dire need of relief as say: Queen Garnet or her husband, Zidane Tribal. After all, what did anyone care if a black mage was hurt by the death of family? When Garnet had lost her mother, Queen Brahne, she didn't wallow in any pity. Yes, she had lost her voice due to conflicted emotions but kept on to become queen of all Alexandria, anyways. She was truly someone to look up to. No wonder she was an inspiration to so many people.

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied smoothly. The sun had now begun to light up a majority of the castle behind them. Its worn brick walls were glowing with the soft gold light. Soon enough the cooks would be out to gather fresh berries and Steiner would be on the hunt for the run away royalty. Both Zidane and Garnet were known to be unable to stay in one place for too long, though Zidane had a much worst case than most. Vivi tilted his head to the side as the young woman rose to her feet. "But I don't think you'd tell me the real reason, anyhow." She turned her head so she could give him a small smile. He really did feel badly for making her worry, but it was better for her to only worry about him rather than feel his pain along with her own.

He bowed his head dejectedly and remained silent. It was only a matter of time before she got the hint that any further prying would be fruitless. She put her hand on his shoulder comfortingly before retracing her steps back to the castle, leaving him alone at the edge of the meadow clearing.

It was only every so often that the mage felt compelled to isolate himself from the rest of the world here. Times when he felt nostalgic. When he was haunted with the ever-lingering sense of…quilt. There were so many reasons for it. So many reasons why everything that had happened and what _was_ happening was all his fault. If he had been more careful when he had made his sons; maybe he wouldn't have made the mistake of making them vulnerable to the short life spans of the rest of his kind. Mr. 288 had warned him, too, that this was a possibility, but at the time he hadn't been worried. After all, if they were exactly like him, they should live longer right?

At least, that had been what he thought.

He had never been so wrong in his life. Their deaths had been a complete and utter shock to everyone. It was about…five years since they had been 'born'. From that very moment everyone and anyone they met already loved them. It was impossible not to. They each had very unique personalities and not a single one of them shared his awkward shyness. As they grew this quality did not change. They were always bright and would talk to anyone and everyone they could. Had a traveler been pinned down by one of them they would sit and listen to every detail about his journeys and experiences he had on them. They wanted to meet everyone and know everything about them. It was almost humorous, in its own way. But it did nothing to quench their thirst to know more. No matter how many books they would read or how many people they would talk to they were always fervent for more. The books and stories did nothing but make their interest grow exponentially. The boy gave a quiet chuckle to himself. The first one since the incidents. He had always admired how enthusiastic they were. He wondered where they got it from.

But it didn't matter now.

His heart plummeted as this thought crossed his mind. Yes, it was pointless to dwell upon those thoughts now. They were gone. In their fifth year of life his first son had gone to bed one night in Doctor Tot's study… and did not wake the next morning. His sudden death had a huge effect of the people in Alexandria. There was even a great funeral held in his honor. No one knew what had caused it and no matter how many times Doctor Tot had tried to solve this mystery, it would always remain that way. A mystery.

It was a month later that his second son died. He had been in the garden with his brothers, trying to tell what sort of berries were being grown on the chief's hedges base on their color, texture, and what sort of thorns it had. The younger mage had complained of how tired he was feeling and that he could not see as clearly as he had before. They had all agreed to rest beneath one of the great trees scattered all across the garden. All four of them waited under the shade of the great trees, but only three would get up.

It was about two months after his death that a fear had begun to creep into all the hearts of the Alexandrian's. It was finally dawning on them the cause of the deaths, but no one was ready to face the fact. It was impossible to ignore the grief that had come between the mage family, though. They all knew that their time was coming and there was nothing their beloved father could do for them other than try to make them as happy as possible. He would get every new book he could find for them to read and he would take them on many out of country journeys. And all his efforts served their purpose. Even though it was just a bide of time until they too passed on. Each, this time, in the company of the mage they loved.

The loss of the five children took a great toll on the emotional state inside the castle. Everyone who was even an acquaintance of the boys grieved for weeks on end.

Except Vivi.

It wasn't that he didn't feel grief for the loss. Because he without a doubt _did_. But he never showed his broken state of mind to anyone. When misery was all around him, in all the faces of the ones he held dear, he would shield himself. Feeling nothing but a numbing sting. It was a horrible, gut wrenching sting, but he as able to keep from breaking down with it. And over time the castle would settle into a form of prior normalcy. In the months that passed after the boys' deaths; their memory began to fade from people's minds. The melancholy spell that had shrouded Alexandria began to gradually lift. People were able to smile again.

But in all the time that had passed, Vivi did not loose any memory of his children. Each one was sharp and defined as if it had just happened moments before. That was another reason why it was so hard on him. Every time he would close his eyes or he's see a familiar face from a foreign place he would remember, with excruciating details, each death, and his heart would be overtaken with sorrow. It was never ending. Of course his friends would try to cheer him up from time to time but their attempts were in vain.

There was no escape from this tragedy.

The breeze picked up around him and ruffled his hat flippantly as he stared vacantly into the now highlighted eastern mountains. Though he sat in silence a war was being fought in his mind. It was a fight of understanding that he often had to battle within himself as to keep up his protective shield. He wondered, for the sake of his friends, if it would be better if he would simply _tell_ them and get it over with, if that would be for the better, or if he should keep up his deceptive pretense. And as the war raged on a small voice began to announce itself. It was small, at first, but grew more dominant and aggressive as the moments ticked by.

_What if you were to remove yourself from the picture altogether?_

That was the first time the voice of his inner thoughts had spoken out to him. It was such a foreign voice to him that he thought it must be from a monster, but as it spoke to him he gradually recognized those thoughts as his own. Thoughts harbored deep within the caverns of his mind. Dark feelings he never wanted to bring to the surface. The voice was soft but demanding as it enticed him to believe. He had no choice but to listen. This inner voice bringing forth ideas he knew he should never even consider. Yet he could not resist.

This would be the fist day this voice would haunt his subconscious. The first, but most definitely not the last.

And the spiral of his mind began to twist out of control, corrupting and overpowering, becoming distorted beyond recognition.

This would not end well.

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**A/N: **Took out the epically long rants of author's notes. They were bad.

Reviews are always nicely appreciated.


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